Every Knee shall bow

 

A Pilgrimage to Velankanni and my blending with the holy verse, Phillipians 2:10-11, is a story I want to tell. A fine Saturday, we reached at Velankanni as Pilgrims. Every one had their own reasons to be there. Mine was duty, but reaching there and breathing that air, changed something inside me. The Sun was on Killer mode and we were there wandering Church to Church. I went solo to sit on a quiet place to reflect upon my life and my faith. After sitting for a while and photographing the majestic Churches, I started returning when I saw some of my friends kneeling and walking all the way to the shrine of the Holy Mother in scorching Sun. I ran to them as I knew they might need some help along the way of their penance. I was not of much help since I was just holding water bottles and praying the rosary for their wishes to come true. Their faces filled with sweat and pain moved me. There and then I knew, that humans are something other than what I understand. I was feeling something more than empathy, it was a connection to their soul. Their faces moved me, their tears made me question the definitions of Love.

It was something out of ordinary in my life. Faith.. what is it? Do I have enough? Do I love enough? Am I feeling the spirit with which I was baptized? These questions filled my mind. It came naturally to me to pray for those who were devotedly walking on their knees. I knew then that I would do it too, but alone, when no one was watching. Slowly, we reached to the end of the path and they finished their walk. Their knees were all screwed, their skin all red, their clothes all dirty and their face was full of sweat. They were so tired that they talked little. The mystery for me here was the ‘shine’ in their eyes, so magical, so beautiful!

At night, on the same day after dinner, everyone went their own way and one of my friends was with me. I asked her to hold my things for me till I return. I gave away all I had on me including my glasses. I knew I was going to kneel and the sweat makes the glasses fall. As I knelt, it didn’t feel hard. I started praying my rosary moving forward. I had no specific intention in my heart but had a long list of prayers that were handed to me before I left for the pilgrimage. I started remembering the list and paying to the holy mother. Slowly the pain started growing and growing without any signs of relief. Now, I am not even 1/10^th the way and I have left my glasses behind which disabled me to see, how much further I need to go! The knees already started killing me, and I came on 4 limbs. I was not even 1.5/10^th the way and the thought of quitting already crossed my mind. Then suddenly our big brother came and started walking alongside me to support me since he might have heard I am kneeling.

I was a little embarrassed, since I wanted to kneel alone but I am always quick to accept God’s will, so I was cool with him accompanying me. He started praying the rosary too while walking behind me and it filled me with courage to continue. Now even though my knees were killing me and I was giving up in my mind every second, I was actually not giving up! During this time, I already prayed for all the intensions that were sent via me. Now what do I do? The pain was already killing me! Then my hand touched the crucifix of my rosary which was on my right hand while I was walking on my 4 limbs since I could no longer continue on 2. I felt the crucifix deeply, kept it inside my pocket, tucked my kurta which was hindering my kneeling and started again. This time I had the lingering feeling of the crucifix. It reminded me of the Calvary where Jesus went through all the pain just for our sake. I was constantly thinking how he mentally managed to continue walking and my eyes were filled with tears, my face with sweat and my stupid bangs on my face made all of these worse! As I continued, I don’t even remember how many times I stopped, brushed of the sand embedded on my knees and continued walking. I wasn’t able to see how far I have come, or how far I need to go, since I didn’t have my glasses on, which made it harder for me to continue. I knew I was not going to give up halfway. I remembered the faces of my family smiling and continued. I saw Jesus bleeding and I continued. I stopped and then again continued on Repeat. The pain was, honestly speaking, unbearable for me. Still, I only knew that I was not going to give up. After 2 hours of dead knees, swollen palms, wet clothes with sweat I reached the end. There was an iron rod that marks the end of the path. I touched it and I broke down. I was heavy and light at the same time. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t understand the reason. I had prayed for everyone I know. My tears weren’t stopping but I wasn’t thinking anything at all. When I stopped, I was grateful that Jesus did it for me. The pain was real. I went through just a tiny fraction of what he went through and it was unbearable, challenging, tough, hard, rigorous, demanding, complicated, heavy, rough, and all the other synonyms of hard, then how hard would it have been for him! My lord!

Something has been changed after that. Mummy Mary never left my side from the beginning to the end and she never will.

 I am a different woman since that night. I see faith and penance in a whole new light. I encourage everyone to do it at least once wholeheartedly, with faith, love and devotion, to have a renewed heart in them, which is the source of all peace on earth. Every knee shall bow and mine did too..

Apurva Xess